I’m a slow processor. I’ve been chewing on what happened in Texas for the last day and a half, and until now I’ve felt guilty for not feeling the pain as deeply as I should. I’ve become desensitized to all the terrible things that I hear about that don’t directly impact me, and I felt robbed of my ability to mourn by the political noise (on both sides.)
But this morning I woke up with my four-year-old son sleeping beside me in my bed. As I looked at his little baby face, I thought to myself… What if this had happened to one of my kids? What if one day, my child was taken from me, and I could no longer snuggle with him... I couldn’t laugh with him... I couldn’t wake up with him beside me because he was gone?
This wrecked me. I’ve cried several times today. I cannot fathom what the parents of the children who died are going through right now.
But I do know that grieving and mourning are appropriate. To sorrow and cry in this season is right. It’s easy to go straight from tragedy to “how can we fix this?” And I do think that’s a conversation that needs to happen, but right now, let’s lament the loss of these precious children. Let’s mourn with the families while remembering that our mourning is not without hope in Christ.
Writing is how I process my emotions; so I wrote this short poem today as a prayer. I hope this can help us to lament in light of our hope in Christ.
Dear Lord, it’s not supposed to be this way. No child or family should ever feel this pain. No warning or signs, no special goodbyes. These beautiful faces now gone from our lives.
We can’t understand this; it doesn’t make sense. Why you would allow this is over our heads. In this valley of shadows, it’s cold and it’s dark, we weep and we mourn with sorrowful hearts.
Though we don’t understand why you’d let this take place, we hold to the hope of your unchanging grace. A grace that brings families together one day, where pain is eclipsed by the light of your face.
But until that day, hold these children in your arms. We know in your presence they’re safe from all harm. O God of all comfort, we cry and we pray. We long for your coming, O God, don’t delay.